Regarding Butker—The Time I Told a Military Pilot to Value His Wife and Family
So yeah, I really did that.
I was a military C-130 Instructor pilot and one of our young and incredibly talented copilots came and snagged me in the hall, saying, “I need to ask you something.”
We went over to a discrete corner, and he quietly explained his quandary.
“They (our flight schedulers) are leaning on me to take a weekend trip, but I promised my wife I would take her on a date tonight.” As he spoke further he expressed his concern in depth.
He was one of the most talented young pilots I had ever flown with—and he was a strong leader. He was concerned that turning down the trip would cost him too much. He was a part time reservist pilot—if he didn’t fly, he didn’t get paid.
His family needed the money, but his real concern was that our leadership might retaliate by reducing his trips in the future or opportunities if he turned down this short-notice flight.
Here’s what I told him:
“If you say yes to these guys and take the trip, they’ll be thankful—for about 15 minutes. If you say no, they may be mad for a few days. But your wife is more important than any of that. If I were you, I’d take the wife on a date.”
He did. He took his beautiful lady out for the evening. To this day, decades later, they are still together.
I’m a Terrible Misandrist and a Sexist…
Can you believe it? How dare I suggest that a man value his wife over his career. Isn’t a man more than just a husband, father, yard-mower, bad-dad-joke-teller, and impregnator of women? I’ll be getting some hate mail for sure—because everyone knows that the most important thing about the value of a man is his career, his status, and the money he earns.
Well, that’s the feminist argument about Harrison Butker’s encouragement to women. They claim for Butker to say that women should not miss the opportunity to be a wife and mother was a brutal attack against the value and capabilities of women.
But is that true, is the only valuable thing a woman can do is have a degree, a job, and a title? Is her primary value found in exchanging her life for title, status, and cash?
Well since we’re talking about my military buds, the majority of whom were men, where is a man’s greatest value found?
The Men in My Life Who Kept Me On the Best Path
When I was still a fairly new husband, father, and pilot–I did a military simulator with an airline Captain (reservist pilot again) who was everything I wanted to be, or so I thought.
He corrected me very clearly and emphatically on my goals to “be like him.”
He was towards the end of his military career and had achieved much. He was a senior captain for a major airline, bringing in great money and getting paid to fly airplanes. That’s what I was striving for, and I was working a lot. I wanted exactly what he had—or so I thought.
Over dinner after a simulator session, he looked me straight in the face and said, “Do not do what I did. I put my all into the military and advancing in my airline job. I made a lot of money.”
I was stunned.
He went on, after looking away from me, and getting tears in his eyes.
“My wife hates me, and I barely know my kids.”
He went silent, staring straight ahead. After a long pause he looked at me once more and told me something that changed my life.
“Don’t miss the best part of life. Flying airplanes is okay, but your family is what matters.”
How dare he, right?
The nerve of that guy, telling me to reduce my value to just being a husband-provider and a father to children? Am I not more than that?
Wow, was he also guilt of misandry? (In case you are not familiar with the term misandry, it is the counterpart of the feminist-favored buzzword “misogyny.” Misandry means “hatred of men,” misogyny means “hatred of women. In many interviews of women claiming that someone like Harrison Butker is a “misogynist”—the woman using the term cannot define it).
No, my temporary mentor who told me not to miss the “best part” was not a man hater—he had just made the mistake of putting career success, money, and status over family, faith, and friends.
Career is okay and perhaps necessary–but family, faith, and friends is the best and most fulfilling role for men–or women.
Can we just agree, does it not make sense, and is it not biblical that spouses (if you are blessed with one), children (if you are entrusted with their care), our loving Savior (if you know him), and our friends (where would we be without them?) give us far more love, meaning, and depth to life than do our degrees, certifications, or social status.
We all need some skill to make life work, to earn money and keep a roof over our heads and food on the table (amongst other things).
But we need more than that, lots more.
If you can get married and have a family—if that appeals to you at all…do it. I have had an enjoyable career. But my wife, kids, friends, and my faith are what makes every day great.
To that end, I echo what Butker said—but to men and women.
Do not miss the best part of life.
If you want a more extensive discussion of how to cut through the misleading arguments that keep us from receiving the abundant life that Jesus the Christ promised in John 10:10, get my book Superhero: Being Who God Says You Are at this link. It is an award-winning resource for cutting through the harmful and hateful ideologies that keep us from living the best—and missing the beauty in life that our loving Creator intended.
Stevo out…
[Image by Fiskes/Shutterstock]
